In my submission I am Free/
A Free spirit I will always be/
I let my Universe take control/
Body, Mind, Spirit and Soul/
You are my Universe, You're all I see/
In Your hands I will always be Free.
So I'm having an emotional crisis right now and sadly I have no friends around to cry to right now. So I'm writing here. It will likely be a ramble, so I apologize to any reader before hand for any incoherence.
I have put more effort into flirting with Dominant men in the last few weeks than I have put in probably ever. I am really craving some control right now. One of the biggest blocks to finding a Dominant has always been my rigidity on sex. But after an in depth conversation with a friend a month or so ago, I've decided that I am ready to have sex with the right guy (hence beginning my search).
There is a guy that I find very attractive, not only physically, but his Dominance style is extremely attractive. So I made the effort to flirt with him. It was difficult to flirt because I'm not that good at it and I felt like I was giving it my all. Finally the topic of my sexuality or lack of sexual experience came up. He seemed to be interested. I thought maybe he could be the one. And then suddenly he springs this sentence on me: "I'll never touch a virgin." After all the interest he had shown in understanding my sexual situation, that sentence hit me like a brick.
Then he explained that women tend to be clingy after having sex with him and it's worse with virgins, especially since he's just so good at sex. Plus, apparently virgins are too tight and that hurts his cock. I want to throw up.
How is this fair? I'm finally ready to work toward giving my v-card away and the guy I've been trying to proposition doesn't even want it?!?
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place that only sleaze balls or people who don't want a long term relationship with me will want to take my v-card, but I'm not willing to be with sleaze balls and I want to give my virginity to someone special who I might have the possibility of a relationship with.